Miami - Key West

You take US1 all the way from Miami down through all The Keys, to Key West. At its southern most point it's only 90 miles to Cuba. Cubans regularly wash up somewhere along the shore.

Miami - Calle 8

The mother of my child.......looking forward to having smart kids.


A rare photo of Towl, looking 100% like Brits abroad.There is a giant chicken just over my right shoulder.



8th Street in Miami is home to Little Havana. It didn't seem any more Cuban than lots of other places in Miami, as you can seemingly buy Cuban bread all over the place. Maria took an awful photo of the little square where old men play dominoes, failing to get an old man or dominoe in the shot. We sat at a sidewalk cafe and had rocket fuel coffee, colada, which puts hairs on your chest.

Miami - Flagler Dog Track.

In the car park of Flagler Dog Track, Maria's Dad bought a palm pilot for $6. The woman who sold it him also sold boxes of cereal and equipment for the pool. While I tried not to wilt like some wufter of an English rose, Maria wolfed down an "arepa", some kind of corn and cheese snack from Venezuela. The palm pilot, it turns out, is $168 new, although it didn't have the little pointy stick you touch the screen with. It seems to work perfectly well if you use a toothpick, although this may invite a trip to A & E if stored in your pocket.

Miami - All Aboard

I was reading the Miami Herald the other day, about the new laws that had been passed in the region. It is now legal to leave your gun in the car while you are at work, while they refused to make texting while driving an offence. Is it the same for ships, I wondered. Is the captain of the pirate ship within his legal rights to be texting the Mrs ("Just got to do the Estefan and Iglesias gaffs and I'm on my way home......") while on the high seas?







The chap sitting in front of me on the boat trip, who was from Brooklyn New York, won a trip to Cancun in the raffle. I was regularly tickled when the chap on the speakers said "And just coming up on your left is the .......... building", and half the boat looked in the opposite direction. I wasn't sure if this was organised beforehand because they didn't like him, or just because they didn't know their arses from their elbows.

Diminutive One gets Knocked Up!

There is now firm evidence to suggest that Maria has a baby in her belly. All previous concerns that it was just hotdogs and trips to fast food outlets have been put aside.Here we see a six month bump.

Miami - Real Estate

The rich and famous of Miami (and Vanilla Ice) all have their mansions by the water. One of these houses belongs to the "pen magnate" Mr Parker, of Parker Pens. He might have a bloody big house, but I bet you he's the same as me when on the phone, running round the place saying "Can you just hang on a sec, where do all the bloody pens in this house go.........?"

Two boats in the drive way and f*** all in the fridge I bet.

Here we saw Gloria Estefan having a quick fag.

While passing this one we saw Julio Iglesias walking his dog.

This was home to Al Pacino in Scarface.

Miami - Duck!

The Diminutive One's folks live in the burbs of Miami, with a balcony overlooking a man made lake. So far the turtles have been elusive, and I have yet to see anyone dragged in by a 'gator, but I have seen a duck and pointy looking bird. I've also seen a fella playing keepy uppy with a football, although because he was wearing a 'tea bag' type vest, I thought him unworthy of a snap.

Miami - Jesus!

While out in the burbs, buying big things from big shops, sold by big people, I saw this in the car park. Jesus is not a swear word. From now on I'm keeping my eye out for a massive truck that warns against "Oh, for f***s sake!".

The Diminutive One's Birthday Fish Dinner

For Maria's birthday we went downtown to a posh place that specialises in fish. While most places tend to show you to your seat, this place ushers you into a room with two large water filled tanks. While I was searching for the words for "Sorry mate I didn't bring my trunks with me" a waiter whipped out a lobster and thrust it into The Diminutive One's hands. Not knowing whether to suck it or blow it, we had a quick snap and moved on to the eight quid starters (or rather Maria did, I just sucked a lemon).

Lizard

This morning The Diminutive One informed me that last night she had a dream where she gave birth to a baby lizard. A plastic baby lizard. This was greeted with much happiness from friends and family, that is, until she broke the head off while giving it a bath. She was most upset.

I was telling this to my cousin Matt a few hours ago, via the magic of the windows messenger televidprinter machine, and, after I had typed in the words

'last night Maria dreamt she gave birth to a lizard'

he paused, before replying

'boy or a girl?'

Mendoza Graffiti

Mendoza, Argentina

Shopping and eating, that's pretty much what we did in Argentina at the weekend. The Diminutive One sorted a couple of plane tickets, and before you could say "aren't there a lot of loud Americans in the world", we were being taxi'd from Mendoza airport to a hotel we could barely afford.
As I read in a guidebook, Mendoza would be nothing without the trees, and it's true. Someone somewhere had the bright idea of planting a gijillion trees throughout the city, and it transforms a so-so town into something alltogether different. As is our custom, we ignored all things cultural in favour of expensive eateries and shops with shiny things. One restaurant was so expensive I had to leave when the bill came, walk back to the hotel, stuff my pockets with more pesos, then walk briskly back to a worried looking Maria. It was all of 20 quid, twice the price we had paid so far!
The area is a wine producing region, but we didn't drink a drop. Knocked-up Mrs stuck firmly to orange juice (typical Chilean, disgusted if less than 5 fresh juices to choose from on the menu - "they might have wine, but where are their juices?"), pasta and fish. We both ignored the veal tongue and other things that could only be translated as 'innards'.
The highlight of the journey back was Gate One at the airport. Diminutive Chilean found small expensive things in the Duty Free, while I watched a group of US tourists become increasingly worried that they'd missed their plane. Despite the gate not being open yet, and it being a good hour before the plane was due to depart, and all the other passengers not moving an inch, said group were visibly alarmed everytime there was an announcement that mentioned flight 933. Every time the speakers issued something the group would charge off down the tunnel like a brass band in a cul-de-sac, only to re-appear minutes later being ushered back to the waiting room by somebody in a yellow bib.

Neglect

The New Super Tasty Cheese Emapanada has gone a bit stale lately, I think you'll agree. Unfortunately, The Diminutive One and I have done an awful lot of sitting on the sofa this year (so much so that we've signed up for a DVD delivery service), which doesn't really offer up those snap-happy moments to capture and slap on the blog.

So much sofa sitting is due to the Mrs being, as she puts it,knocked-up. No doubt this will knock the "Castro Resigns" headlines off top slot around the world. After seeing a blog that detailed some American woman's pregnancy (complete with side angle shots of growing belly) The Empanada may well be hijacked over the coming months for all things pre-natal. I'm reluctant to start the process with the initial snap of "Maria at 3 months" as we're not sure if the bump is baby or biscuits.

As for names, so far we have a shortlist of one - Hummus. Or, a full name of Baby Hummus. Obviously, Hummusita if it's a girl. My mate Jon's two best suggestions were "O B 1 (good for a boy or a girl) or Babbamoosh", both of which never even made the table, let alone the short list. I seem to remember him being half under the table at the time.

The 10 week scan seemed to show well developed fingers, so it's clear that we'll have either a goal keeper or concert pianist in the family.

So, from now on it's toes and piano-playing/ball-saving fingers crossed for luck that everything goes ok.

The Mrs December 2007

The Mrs, December 2007