As most of you know I teach English in Chile. Actually, I teach very little these days, and no doubt some would question whether I ever actually taught much at all. This week seems to have been full of the ridiculous and has been rich in content for the bi-monthly/twice a week/often never "Quote of the Week" pioneered by my good friend John "cut me open and I bleed blue" Cooperlilly (also known as John 'the mini' Cooperlilly and, according to him, John 'hung like a horse' Cooperlilly).
Quote of the Week has its origins in the World Cup of 2006, Hung Like a Horse having nothing better to do than trawl the internet for ridiculous quotes. Since then it has broadened and is now a general free for all of pushing and shoving on any subject. This weeks winners are from genuine essays by my students, Elvis in Camden and the newly inaugurated "Chocolate Teapot" section (hence the snap, taken in an Argentinian sweet shop) that is work related. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Open the golden envelope please.
From The Horse himself, currently teaching somewhere in the south of England and working in The Spar on a Sunday.
- "Have little present for you, teacher" - Mohammed Badawi, aged 59, from the sultanate of Oman, on approaching me outside the class and passing me a gift-wrapped Paco Rabanne wristwatch. He will still be failing. It is 10.36.
Sent in by me, taken from an essay I marked this week. So strange you have to love it.
"I spent long hours in the lab putting the bones of a duck together to represent my school"
This was later followed by the equally enjoyable
"The best talks about life I had ever had took place when we killed the duck to learn about its skeleton"
To stay with the education theme, I read this sentence from an oral exam.Students are suposed to discuss it. This is clearly chocolatey.
"Many more people are travelling by car these days. How wise do you think this is?"
I believe the inspiration for this question comes from an English exam paper of 1876. Candidates are expected to mention the man who walks ahead with a red flag.
Although not officially an entry I feel I must include a quote from my good friend Marie Finsbury Park, who, after drinking quite a lot of 9% Belgian pop, found herself in an illegal drinking den in Camden Town. She said this
"Also we ended up in the Marathon Kebab House - a legendary establishment in Camden that is basically the front for an illegal Greek drinking den that houses Elvis impersonators".
I don't think there can be any doubt that this is probably the most interesting sentence of the week, although the reason for its special mention is the use of the word "houses". To house Elvis impersonators is such a thought provoking thing to say that I felt it deserved exploration. Simply put, what a tremendous idea. It rather brought to mind the idea that there were thousands of tiny Presleys standing in rows under hydroponic lights. After a few weeks they all grow to a suitable height and are deemed suitable for performing behind the kebab house. Obviously, they are all given new clothes as their tiny capes and white flares are ripped in Hulk like fashion because of their fast growth.
I would like to end this by giving special mention to Lee Downunder, who wrote to me recently and asked how I was getting on in "that south american jungle cocaine spanish tapas place". I'm doing well Lee, though the bandits on the metro can be a real drag...........
.......sometimes they're actually in drag................
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