Miami - Art Deco

You will have to forgive the overkill of art deco snaps, as I love the buildings. It's a strange mix of sweating tourists and the body beautiful on roller skates. Roberto spent his pension on parking, and I spent mine on four ice creams.
As you will see from the bottom picture, those Baggies fans are just everywhere.

Key West - Tropic Cinema

This is beauty.

Miami - Key West American Gothic

The setting of Key West, probably the least gothic place in the world, is a strange one for this gigantic statue. The original painting by Grant Wood is world famous, with a sour faced farmer and his wife/daughter, but I didn't expect to see it when turning the corner. The reason they are so serious looking is because they're paying $4 an hour to park, just like us.

Miami - Key West

You take US1 all the way from Miami down through all The Keys, to Key West. At its southern most point it's only 90 miles to Cuba. Cubans regularly wash up somewhere along the shore.

Miami - Calle 8

The mother of my child.......looking forward to having smart kids.


A rare photo of Towl, looking 100% like Brits abroad.There is a giant chicken just over my right shoulder.



8th Street in Miami is home to Little Havana. It didn't seem any more Cuban than lots of other places in Miami, as you can seemingly buy Cuban bread all over the place. Maria took an awful photo of the little square where old men play dominoes, failing to get an old man or dominoe in the shot. We sat at a sidewalk cafe and had rocket fuel coffee, colada, which puts hairs on your chest.

Miami - Flagler Dog Track.

In the car park of Flagler Dog Track, Maria's Dad bought a palm pilot for $6. The woman who sold it him also sold boxes of cereal and equipment for the pool. While I tried not to wilt like some wufter of an English rose, Maria wolfed down an "arepa", some kind of corn and cheese snack from Venezuela. The palm pilot, it turns out, is $168 new, although it didn't have the little pointy stick you touch the screen with. It seems to work perfectly well if you use a toothpick, although this may invite a trip to A & E if stored in your pocket.

Miami - All Aboard

I was reading the Miami Herald the other day, about the new laws that had been passed in the region. It is now legal to leave your gun in the car while you are at work, while they refused to make texting while driving an offence. Is it the same for ships, I wondered. Is the captain of the pirate ship within his legal rights to be texting the Mrs ("Just got to do the Estefan and Iglesias gaffs and I'm on my way home......") while on the high seas?







The chap sitting in front of me on the boat trip, who was from Brooklyn New York, won a trip to Cancun in the raffle. I was regularly tickled when the chap on the speakers said "And just coming up on your left is the .......... building", and half the boat looked in the opposite direction. I wasn't sure if this was organised beforehand because they didn't like him, or just because they didn't know their arses from their elbows.

Diminutive One gets Knocked Up!

There is now firm evidence to suggest that Maria has a baby in her belly. All previous concerns that it was just hotdogs and trips to fast food outlets have been put aside.Here we see a six month bump.

Miami - Real Estate

The rich and famous of Miami (and Vanilla Ice) all have their mansions by the water. One of these houses belongs to the "pen magnate" Mr Parker, of Parker Pens. He might have a bloody big house, but I bet you he's the same as me when on the phone, running round the place saying "Can you just hang on a sec, where do all the bloody pens in this house go.........?"

Two boats in the drive way and f*** all in the fridge I bet.

Here we saw Gloria Estefan having a quick fag.

While passing this one we saw Julio Iglesias walking his dog.

This was home to Al Pacino in Scarface.

Miami - Duck!

The Diminutive One's folks live in the burbs of Miami, with a balcony overlooking a man made lake. So far the turtles have been elusive, and I have yet to see anyone dragged in by a 'gator, but I have seen a duck and pointy looking bird. I've also seen a fella playing keepy uppy with a football, although because he was wearing a 'tea bag' type vest, I thought him unworthy of a snap.

Miami - Jesus!

While out in the burbs, buying big things from big shops, sold by big people, I saw this in the car park. Jesus is not a swear word. From now on I'm keeping my eye out for a massive truck that warns against "Oh, for f***s sake!".

The Diminutive One's Birthday Fish Dinner

For Maria's birthday we went downtown to a posh place that specialises in fish. While most places tend to show you to your seat, this place ushers you into a room with two large water filled tanks. While I was searching for the words for "Sorry mate I didn't bring my trunks with me" a waiter whipped out a lobster and thrust it into The Diminutive One's hands. Not knowing whether to suck it or blow it, we had a quick snap and moved on to the eight quid starters (or rather Maria did, I just sucked a lemon).